Divorce is contagious, and that might be a good thing

Divorce is contagious, and that might be a good thingDivorce is contagious, and that might be a good thingDivorceis contagious, studies suggest, and having a close friend who is divorced increases your risk of ending your marriage. But that doesnt mean thathappily marriedpeople are vulnerable to some sort of airborne irreconcilable differences. It means that, for people are already struggling in their marriages, ahappy, divorced friendcould be all it takes to send them over the edge.If divorce has had the effect of moving friends forward in their lives, then they are particularly likely to view divorce not as an unfortunate end but as a solution, Craig S. Pedersen, an attorney and partner at the Meyer, Olson, Lowy and Meyers law firm, toldFatherly. It is not that misery loves company, but a successful, particularly amicable divorce can look appealing to an outsider.Having a divorced, close friend raises a persons divorce risk by 75 percent, according toonestudyof 5,209 men and women. Results also revealed that people are 147 percent mora likely to divorce if they have multiple divorced friends in their social network, compared to married people with mostly married friends. Divorced siblings render people 22 percent more prone to split. Even having divorced coworkers comes with a 50 percent increase in divorce risk.The study makes a compelling case for divorce contagion, but one of the main limitations is thateverystage of marriage is heavily influenced by peer pressure. Theresevidencethat people are significantly more likely to have babies within two years of theirfriendsstarting families, and that we tend to marry when we sense thatour peer groups are getting hitched.Divorce may be contagious, but it may well be the result of a lot of people getting married or having kids for the wrong reasons,Jessica Markham, a divorce attorney, says.A lot of people get married and have kids that shouldnt marry anyone and probably shouldnt have kids, Markham toldFatherly.For c ouples already experiencing problems and considering divorce, a close friends choice to end their relationship is often the final straw.Having a divorced friend can provide the shot of courage that one has been looking for in advance of taking that daunting first step toward ending a bad marriage, Pedersen says. But it does not have to be. The key to ensuring that your friends problems dont bleed into your own marriage is understanding that friends are good at listening, but theyre generally terrible at giving neutral advice. And the closer friends are, the more influence and less perspective they tend to have, psychotherapist Brooke Sprowl warns.They often project their own experiences and preferences onto one another when giving advice, Sprowl toldFatherly.If a friend sees divorce as the only way to work through relationship problems, they are likely to advise you to to take that route.This article was originally posted on Fatherly.